How to Rekindle your Sexual Desire

With Valentine’s Day soon approaching comes the question, what is the fix to a languishing libido?

While men have many treatment options available to boost their sexual function, women have none. Despite how common the complaint may be, sexual health concerns and a languishing libido remains a complicated and hard to treat issue.

Sexual health problems affect women more than men but remain largely under-recognized. Lack of desire, or hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), is the most common form of female sexual dysfunction (FSD). With HSDD, a woman may experience a languishing libido but still be able to engage in partnered intercourse. With loss of libido, women are more prone to mood problems and relationship discordance. But how do you treat what can’t be measured? Unlike erectile dysfunction in men, libido is not as easily quantified. Furthermore, the multitude of factors that contribute to sexual desire makes a “magic bullet” solution improbable. For women, sexuality is affected by their level of stress, fatigue, hormones, mood, self-esteem, body perception, vaginal health as well as intimacy. And so, a top to bottom approach starts with rebooting the sexual brain.

To be more sexual, first requires being more present. Forever the multi-taskers, women tend to be less able than men to set aside their worries and the endless mental “to-do”list” and simply be in the moment. To be sexual we must think sexually too. Clearing your mental slate prior to sex can allow a more mindful experience.

Sex is experienced through our senses and our senses are key to our sexuality. Through scent, taste and touch signals are sent to our brain that influence mating, libido, and orgasm. Being sexual then is also about being sensual.

The question of pheromones has long tied our noses to our lust. Animals, plants and even bacteria release chemical signals to attract mates. While no obvious pheromone signal has yet been found in humans, new research is revealing that a signature of chemo-signals released from our bodies may subliminally sway potential partnerings and social relationships. Differences in the major histocompatibility complex (MHC), a set of important immune system genes, imprints us with a unique “odourprint.” It is thought that our “odourprints” play a role in attracting a mate with an unlike MHC. This pairing yields an evolutionary advantage with offspring having a more diverse and more robust immune system.

Our taste buds can send sexual signals too. Aphrodisiacs are substances that increase sexual desire. Chocolate, perhaps the king of natural aphrodisiacs, contains three potent psychoactive compounds; anandamide a feel good chemical, PEA (phelethylamine) the love chemical which releases dopamine in the pleasure centre of the brain and tryptophan, a precursor to serotonin which helps lift mood. The Aztecs called avocado ahuacuati the “testicle tree” and coveted them for their sexual enhancing effects. Other foods and herbs claimed to be aphrodisiacs include; oysters (zinc), chili peppers (capscacin), maca, ginseng, and ginkgo biloba.

While our scents and tastes may help elicit sexual arousal, there is no question as to the vital role in foreplay and sexual touching. From hosting a party to competing in sport, being prepared is key to a successful outcome. Sex is no different. Sexual touching is not only considered the socially accepted sexual norm, it is vital to achieving physiological and psychological readiness. Foreplay readies our bodies for sex; exciting our brains, quickening our heartbeat, and preparing the genitals for intercourse, while also relaxing us through stimulating the release of oxytocin. Forgoing foreplay affects women more than men as their sexual arousal tends to be more complicated. Indeed, research suggests the relationship between sexual touching and the quality of intercourse is stronger in women than in men. There is no one right way to engage in erotic touching. For women, the erotic regions are not related to their sexual organs. Whether it is on the lips, the ear, the scalp or the mons (pubic bone) — women want and need to be touched for proper sexual function. Couples can help each other by sharing the “roadmap” to their erogenous zones.

When it comes to medical therapies, none are as potent in both partners as testosterone. This male sex hormone drives sexual function from libido to orgasm in both men and women. In women, testosterone begins to fall within two years of her menopause coinciding with the frequent complaint of absent or diminished libido. Testosterone’s role in enhancing both sexual and cognitive function in peri- and post-menopausal women has been confirmed by a substantial body of scientific research. However, there remains no government approved pharmacologic testosterone therapies available for use in women in North America.

Sexual dysfunction remains a complex and inadequately addressed concern affecting health, wellbeing and lifestyle.

The solutions need to be as multi-faceted as the problem; addressing the brain, sensory and hormonal aspects as well as intimacy.

So take a hit of that Chanel #5 while dining with your mate on chocolate and oysters to help make this Valentine’s one you both will not forget!